Sometimes things happen in your life that catch you off guard. Events that you once thought you’d never have to face. These emotional and psychologically taxing moments have a way of changing your perspective. Something shifts, not just in the world around you but inside you as well. It cracks the foundation of your being and releases something from deep beneath, and suddenly you find yourself listening to people and realizing that no one, no matter how dumb or inteligent they or you think everyone is, no one knows what they’re talking about. It’s like no matter how well someone did in school, no matter how much money, success or fame one has, no one knows shit. This is something you can find out for yourself when you listen to someone talk about an article they read online or when you have a conversation with an I.T. guy and find out he can’t change a tire or oil. Scientists use best guess logic to figure out how things work but their vision is limited to one band of light, one dimension of existence. A good example of this is the constant new articles I read about astronomers discovering some anomaly out in space that defies all their theories of how things should be. But these infinitely small astronomers on this itty-bitty planet that is but a speck of dust in the vastness of the cosmos fail to keep in mind is they are the equivalent to germs on a marble using there tiny tools to view something that is unimaginably large and governed by physical laws that they themselves don’t fully understand. These people have never left the surface of this planet let alone traversed the cosmos to study a binary star system up close. So what do they know? In saying this I’m not trying to undermine the scientific process or the seeking of greater knowledge. These things have advanced the whole of humanity in unimaginable ways. All I’m saying is, you gotta keep things in perspective. Because that’s life, it’s about perspective
There are millionaires that make their personal fortunes on the buying and selling of money. But I’m willing to bet that if you ask one of these successful individuals that used the system to build their empires about how the system they used to make their mountains of money works, not one of them could really tell you how our nation’s economy let alone the global economies stay afloat. I’m also willing to bet that some of the answers these high falutin creme de la creme folks would give on how the economies of the world actually function, their individual answers would not all be the same. I feel that is because we live in a relatively open ended system. That is to say there are a million different ways you can get to the number 6. You can start with the basics, 3+3, then move to 2+4, then 7-1, or 8-2. There’s more but you get the basics. There is a system with rules but those rules allow for a million different ways to get to the final step.
Everyone has their own unique perspective on the rules. Everyone has their own unique take on life and how to live it. Yes there are some universal rights and wrongs that all people from all walks of life can agree on. For example no one likes pediphiles. I’m pretty confident that if you were to travel the globe and ask people from other cultures how they felt about pediphiles, I’m sure the numbers would be in favor of dislike. On the other hand, when it comes to dealing with trauma and loss people’s reactions are different. Everyone processes trauma differently. When someone has watched another die or been close to someone who’s lost a friend or family member, you’ll see that the feeling and the expression of those raw, primal emotions will be different.
Picture this. You’re standing in a hospital room with a bunch of people you know and love. You’re all standing around the bed of a family member who’s been slowly tortured over the course of the last year through various treatments to try and save them. Now they have finally been given a death sentence. In this room there are tears, but there are always those few. Those silent few that don’t cry they just stare in disbelief and shock. In the corner of the room someone is balled up crying convulsively and on the other side of the room there will be someone who seems unmoved by it. Everyone experiences the pain of loss in their own personal way. That traumatic event instantly puts everyone in that room into their own personalized glass box of pain. It’s because everyone’s connection to that dying person was personal and unique and no one else can judge. And even though you all were in the same room witnessing the same horrible gut wrenching event you all are a chaotic collection of emotions and memories that are yours and yours alone. So you quickly realize that despite being surrounded by people you know and love and share a shitty experience with, you are all separated by your own personalized glass boxes of sadness and pain. And it is something you will be stuck in for the rest of your life and you just have to find some creative way to cope with it. Despite being unified by this tragedy you are also separated by it.
Within this glass box it’s easy to feel isolated and alone despite the number of people that walk up and put their hands on the glass and say ‘I’m here for you’, you still feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness and suffering. That’s because everyone has their own set of emotions like a finger print for the heart and soul. It is part of what makes you, you.
For people that are on the outside of your glass box looking in, the best thing they can do is just make themselves available and just listen. Just shut the fuck up and listen. They don’t need to have any advice or clever quotes or something witty. All they need you to do is listen, because it is the little things that matter most. No one has the answers to everything and no one needs the answers to everything. Sometimes people just need someone that will listen and nothing more.
One of the most aggravating things I’ve heard other people, on the other side of the glass, tell myself or others I know and love, is “maybe you should seek counseling”. This kind of response feels dismissive and lacking any kind of compassion. So it stirs a rage inside me. I always think to myself, ‘Isn’t that basically just talking to someone who will listen. So why do I bother talking to you or spending time with you if you are unable to listen.’ Now, in saying this I recognize that there are emotional situations that are hard to process and a lot of individuals lack the proper mental and social tools to cope with these things. I’m not dismissing those extreme instances. All I’m saying is most people feel they need to have all the answers or they simply lack the mental and emotional courage to just shut up and listen and they wave you off dismissively. Our culture is built on self help quotes, quick fix kits and life hacks for everything. Why? Because stopping and listening to people that are truly hurting isn’t always happy and positive. Sometimes it’s shitty. Stopping work to listen to someone’s pain isn’t efficient. It’s not productive. Trying to grind out learning a new skill or job, it just gets in the way. Hey guess what, life can be shitty. That’s just a fact. It’s not always a positive productive experience. And that’s the point. Life sucks sometimes and that’s just the way it is. It is my own personal belief that this is the root of a lot of our mass shootings, serial killers, and other individuals who seek attention in extreme ways. Everyone wants to package you up, slap a label on you and then describe you in just one or two words or sentences. Because that’s efficient. Wouldn’t want to waste our precious time getting to know anyone who doesn’t always sound positive. No no that doesn’t fit the happy go lucky goal achieving 6 sigma standards.
The truth is… I don’t know what the truth is… no one knows what the fucking truth is. But I do know that this quote really resonates with me and seems to fit what I am trying to say here. I just hope that someone doesn’t look this quote up and tell me it is fake. That… probably won’t change how I feel about it : )
“I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.”
– Friedrich Salomon Perls –
Happy trails,
And remember kids no one knows jack shit so you might as well think for yourself and question authority : )
JP
Exceptionally right on.